An Important Ingredient for Happiness in ANY Relationship: Being Noticed

An Important Ingredient for Happiness in ANY Relationship:  Being Noticed

I broke my foot a while back and was at the stage of a walking boot and cane when I decided to make a trip to the library.  As I was leaving with my stack of books, hobbling a bit awkwardly to my handicapped parking spot, a gentleman in his 60s-70s walked by me towards the parking lot.  When he had gone just a few feet past me he stopped, turned back and asked, “Could I carry your books for you?”  I was really touched, thanked him and assured him I thought the books were providing some ballast.  He smiled and continued on his way.  I doubt he has any idea how moved I was by his NOTICE of me.  I was reminded of how much it means to all of us to be noticed.  When we are noticed we remember that we matter!

So many times, when I am working with a couple I realize that their marriage has eroded because they have stopped really noticing one another.  In a world where Mindfulness has become a commonplace word we still seem to be so immersed in our everyday busyness that we don’t notice our spouses.

Take stock.  Ask yourself when you last really looked into your spouse’s eyes and noticed her/him.  Or stopped what you were doing to make eye contact and really listen to your kids? Being fully present is powerful.  The next time you are listening to your spouse, your child, your friend talk about their day really notice him/her.  You might be surprised by their response to you if you pay attention and notice.